Disneyland

Well, my aunts, Luana & Onda, don't think it's a wise idea to take Mother with us on such a long trip. Luana told me that Mother doesn't want to go. Today the cardiologist, Dr. Otrusinik, voted with Luana & Onda.

I posted this as my status on Facebook tonight:

Now Mother's cardiologist says don't take her on such a long road trip. (Driving to Disneyland for the weekend.) I have no brothers or sisters to take care of her while I'm gone & I can't be in two places at once. Pray for us.

Mother & I discussed it at lunch after the echocardiogram & the pace maker check.  Dr. Otrusinik was appalled that we were even thinking about taking her. I suggested that perhaps we could call Dr. Broadbent & have the surgery to remove the squamous cell cancer lump from her arm postponed for a week. Mother didn't answer me.

Luana had said she'd check on Mother every day. But I don't want to leave her here alone & I want to go. So, I guess I'm being selfish.

Tonight when we got home & I was packing for Mother, it was time to take her meds & I wanted to put her meds in the bag so they wouldn't be forgotten. I asked her what we were going to do with the coumadin. She said, "Aren't you going to call & cancel the surgery?" I THOUGHT, "Oh, my h-e double toothpicks!!! Why didn't you say so at lunch? I could've called & cancelled then. Now, it's 6 o'clock & the office is CLOSED!!!" Instead, I calmly said, "Yes. I'll do that tomorrow." So, she decided not to take any coumadin tonight.

Last night we were in the ER until after midnight with a bloody nose & her INR level was only at 2.3 (low for her). Her nose oozed blood all day. One of the reasons Dr. Otrusinik thought we were being foolish. Besides the fact that Mother needs to be off the coumadin for 7 days before the surgery. No coumadin, sitting for 12 hours, she could throw a blood clot & die. He did suggest that if we do take her, which he strongly disapproved of, we stop every 2 hours & move around for a minimum, MINIMUM, of 5 minutes. Don-Mikel is going to love that.

I don't know if we're leaving at 3 or 2:30, about 5 hours from now. I told Mother not to get undressed & to sit in the chair until it's time to go. I think I'll do the same thing. Just gotta go pack. I paid a couple of bills & have got to grab the checkbook & we'll be good to go.

I'm feeling really discouraged. Don & Don-Mike gave Mother a (priesthood) blessing this morning, so I feel like it will be ok, but I told Don to take the consecrated oil, just in case we needed it. I remember Daddy would always take the consecrated oil when we went on vacation. I even have it on my list.

Went to put some more clothes in my suitcase & noticed 2 cats on the bed. Don went in the bedroom & soon came out asking me to come look at something. There was Jae in his suitcase. I took a picture with my cell phone.

I heard Don say he is on his way to bed, guess I'd better go get my stuff off the bed & finish packing.

October's habit and other stuff

Flylady's habit for October is paper clutter. I did so good the first day. I spent the 15 minutes, but then the next 5 days were a total bust. Tomorrow is a day off, yippee!! Maybe I can do some catch up. I need to go over to Mother's & do some mending. A domestic engineer I'm not.

I love to read updates on others blogs, but usually by the time I've caught up on Facebook, Parenting Bipolar Kids & played my online games, it's time to go to bed, or past time & I've not checked email.

Today was my 2 week check up for my gall bladder surgery. I have 3 little incisions & then a slightly larger one in my belly button. It used to bulge, now it puckers. Dr. Broadbent told me that by the time I see him in 6 weeks for my cancer check up, my belly button will be a nice "inny." The puckers & swelling will be gone. He didn't staple me, he sutured me & my incisions are bright red with inflammation. They are not infected. There were a couple that were infected but I washed them with soap & water 2x a day & used Watkins "tit salve" (petro carbo salve) on them. Don told me it would probably be better if I used triple antibiotic salve. So, since I didn't have any, I bought some. The infection cleared up, but Dr. Broadbent said I must be allergic to the sutures he used. Same thing happened when I had the port-a-cath  implanted. I don't remember the incision being infected when I had the port removed.

Mother's blood just gets thicker by a point or two every time we go. Now, she's telling me she has lumps. She had me feel one & it didn't feel like a lump to me. She has a doctor's appt with Dr. Carlson next Thursday, which isn't any too soon for me. She also has a recheck on the INR level on Tuesday.

Mufasa has a spiffy new dog house over at Kents. It's made of cinder block & the door faces south. He won't stay in the kennel though, so they've had to chain him up. It's been so wet & rainy & Zach has the flu, so they haven't been able to fix it. We actually can't see how he gets out. Don thinks he jumps the fence.

He looks so good with his coat clipped. I asked that it be left about 2 inches so that he could grow out his winter coat before the snow flies. They quoted me 35$. I warned them that he is a big dog & was extremely unkempt, read matted. It took her 4 hours to clip him because he was so matted. When I went to pay, it was 70$!! I asked to see him. The receptionist told me that she had to lock the door because he had gotten out of the kennel & came wandering out into the reception area. I laughed & said that is why we call him Houdini. We got back to the kennel room, yes room, & he was in a large kennel. I don't know how he got out, but he had not only got out of the kennel, which was wire to the ceiling, but out the door.

Computerizing

The good doctor has given me permission to "computerize." His word. So, I came in, changed the background on my blog & I'll probably work on some Halloween/fall backgrounds for the Bipolar Kids site.

The gall bladder was "yucky" & is in a bottle. I stayed overnight & was sure glad to have my CPAP along with me. The respiratory therapist told me the difference between BiPAP & CPAP. Continuous Positive Air Pressure blows a constant pressure, no fluctuating & acts as a stent to hold the airway open. While a biPAP is a Bilevel Positive Air Pressure. There is one level for breathing in & one level for breathing out. So, I'll have to tell Mother. Hers is a BiPAP. The therapist also said that not many people use their CPAP faithfully. Man, I can't imagine not using it faithfully. I'd never get any sleep. I also had to have oxygen with my CPAP. I felt a lot better this morning.

I am housebound. I cannot work. He told me I could read, computerize, sit and other things, but cannot "work." In other words, life as usual. Who works at home? Look at my house & you know the answer is "Not RaNae." He asked me when I had to be back to work, I told him Monday. Actually, I need to go in & do my legals on Friday.

They did another 18 page paper today. I discovered they can live without me. They did a great job. I stopped into the paper long enough to see if they got the missionary I screwed up on last week in. I told his mother I would make sure it ran this week. It did!

I came home & took a pain pill & a nap. Don & Nick had gone to Subway for lunch. Don gave me part of his sandwich when I got up. I am now computerizing.

The top number on my blood pressure was in the 90s. Dr. Broadbent said not to take my lisinopril for a couple of days. He also said to have my BP checked before I go back on the medication. My potassium was at 3.4 yesterday morning. Still not within normal limits (WNL) but acceptable. He thinks I need to up my potassium intake by half a pill, or in otherwords, 50 meq instead of 40.

Don-Mike was supposed to have the day off, but was called in to work lunch. They had 2 people call in sick. After lunch, he took Mother to Logan for her protime. Good thing she didn't go with Don to get it done.  Cache Valley Specialty Hospital is the slowest hospital I have ever been in. Also, as Don said, it was better for Don-Mike to take her this afternoon. Mother doesn't feel good in the mornings. It takes her til afternoon to get feeling better. Sounds like me.

Potassium still low

Dr. Broadbent called today about 4:45 to tell me my potassium is low. I told him I was feeling great. I was, it was late afternoon & after my usual slow start, I was finally getting something done. I asked him what it was & he said it was 3.1. I told him that was good, for me. A lot better than it was 2 weeks ago when he scared me so badly.

No, he wants it at 3.6 when I have my surgery on Monday. He wanted to know what I'd been doing to raise my potassium level. I told him I was taking my normal potassium dosage, 40 meqs a day. He wants me to up it to 80 meqs for the weekend & that should bring it up to normal limits by Monday.

I need to drink lots of water between now & Monday so they can get an IV in. I absolutely dread IVs. It takes several pokes for them to finally get one in.

I also asked about the red blood count. It was a little low, as is normal, but nothing to worry about.

Nick paid his speeding ticket today. Bill, his psychosocial rehabilitation (PSR) counselor came over today. I heard them talking about road rage, so I came back in, took my hearing aid out & made some telephone calls.

Pre-op appointment today

Today I was supposed to be able to sleep in, dream on! At 3:30 a.m., I woke up to Don kissing my hand. Nick was not feeling good & needed to know what to do for diarrhea. I woke up long enough to tell them where the anti-diarrheal pills were. Nick had woken his dad up. I told them where the pills were & for Nick to take 2. At 8:15, I woke up to Nick poking my hand. He wanted to know if he needed to take another anti-diarrheal pill. Yes, if he'd had another bout of diarrhea. He spent most of the day napping, while I had to run errands & go to the pre-op appointment in Logan for my gall bladder surgery on Monday.

I made it to the doctor's appt. a little bit late. Dr. Broadbent explained the procedure, they gave me the paperwork to take to Cache Valley Specialty Hospital (CVSH) for bloodwork & an EKG. Because a friend had told me that he'd done her gall bladder surgery & also repaired her herniated belly button, I asked him if he could do it for me. He wanted to look at my belly button. I told him it was a Dr. Orvid Cutler belly button, but it hadn't survived 2 pregnancies very well. He checked it & said he'd be glad to fix it. A couple of stitches & it would be as good as new. Kewl!! Thx Carolyn.

The hospital stay will be overnight. I have so many health problems Dr. B. wants to keep me overnight. He also put me first on the surgical schedule. I have to be at CVSH at 6:30 a.m. on Monday, which means a 5:45 wake up time.

Before we went over to CVSH, I took Mother to Cache Valley Cardiology, Dr. Otrusinik's office, for her pro-time. It was 4.9! Ack! It had risen from 2.7 in one week. We need to recheck in one week. Mother will have to go down with Don Tuesday morning when he picks me up. Unless Don-Mike has Tuesday or Wednesday off & can take her. Nick also has a dentist appt., Tuesday afternoon at 2 p.m. I told Don I was glad he'd taken both Monday & Tuesday off, because he could substitute for me on Tuesday.

That's the bad thing about having no siblings, there is no one to spell you. I had a Church member tell me on my mission, actually she told my companion & my comp told me that I take being an only child too seriously. I don't think I take it serious enough. I have some real guilt issues when it comes to Daddy & not being there for he & Mother when he was so sick.

I didn't start out life as an only child. I am the youngest of three. My sister, Wanda, was born in November of 1946. My brother, Eldon, was born in March of 1949 & I was born in August of 1950. Eldon & I are 16 months apart. Life would have been a lot different if he had lived. As it was, he was injured at birth. My mom was in the hospital, but the doctor hadn't made it yet. The baby's head was crowning & the nurse panicked & pushed my mother's legs together, crushing the baby's head. He lived for 12 days. Mother & Daddy did not get a picture of him. Mother's oldest brother was supposed to take a picture of him. If he did, Mother never got a picture. My parents didn't have a camera.

My mother was very sick when I was born, something to do with blood. They didn't expect her to live. She was in the hospital for weeks. She was never able to have another child. She had a couple of miscarriages. I have Rh negative blood & she has Rh positive blood. I think that played a role in the fact that she was not able to carry another pregnancy to term.

My sister Wanda died 10 days after her 24th birthday of the side effects of cortisone given to her for the treatment of lupus, systemic lupus erythematosus or SLE. In 1970, they said it was cancer. Daddy died on Grandma Porter's birthday, May 26, 1992.

So, there is just me. Mother, however, comes from a large family of 8, 3 boys & 5 girls. Most of her sisters & brothers have large families, although there are 2 sisters with 3 kids. Their kids are all living, grown, married & have pretty large families. So, Mother feels left out. It really irks me when people brag about their large posterity.

We have a full quorum of family almost every Sunday. I feel overwhelmed with no siblings and sons, not daughters, to help care for Mother. But my sons are a big help. Especially Don-Mike.

Don-Mike & Mother live in Aunt Vi's house, across town. Mother's sister Luana rents it out. Vi was Luana's sister-in-law. There is not room for 5 adults here. It is a small 2 bedroom home. Don & I slept in a camper out back for years. We decided it was time to build on to our house in 2007 & the camper had to be moved. Don-Mike & Nick were sharing a room & they needed their own space. Luana's rental came vacant at the perfect time. It's a cute 2 bedroom home. I think it is the only way Mother would have moved out of her house.

I was going through chemo at the time & it would have been impossible for me to climb in & out of that camper. I couldn't sleep in there during the day anyway, because it was too hot.

Sorry I went off on a tangent. It sounds like a pity party, but it isn't really. It's "just the facts ma'am," as Sgt. Joe Friday of Dragnet would say.

I am very grateful for my husband & our sons. I am also very grateful to have children as the doctor told me that I would never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. We got 2 out of 6. Heavenly Father definitely knew what He was doing when He stopped at 2. I have 2 very determined sons. They beat the odds of getting here & are persistent. Sometimes not as determined & persistent as I want them to be in some areas, but we'll save that for another post.

As for me, I haven't discovered what my purpose here on earth is.

Hypokalemia

I went to my oncologist, Dr. Broadbent, this afternoon. I had my normal blood check at Cache Valley Specialty Hospital. I called Nick & see if he wanted to meet us for lunch. He said he was already in Smithfield & how about eating at A&W. I said, fine. I wasn't feeling very good, so I thought I'd just bag the rest of my errands. Mother wanted to go Dollar Tree in Smithfield, so I thought we'd eat, then go to the dollar store & home.

Dr. Broadbent called me as soon as he got the results from my bloodwork. We were just getting in the car after our lunch. Scared the crap out of me. I thought my cancer markers had skyrocketed or something. Nick had already left to go back into Logan to get gas at Sam's Club. We were supposed to meet him there.

Dr. Broadbent told me my potassium level was critically low, I needed to take potassium pills STAT. He told me that a couple of times, then told me to go straight home & call my doctor ASAP. I go to a nurse practitioner. I asked him to call her. The oncologist told me I could drop over dead.

Scared me so bad. I was thinking that I've had low potassium levels before. Maybe I could just have a potassium infusion like I did last time. I decided I'd meet Nick, called Don to meet us at Sam's. I thought he could take Mother to the dollar store & I'd just drive myself home. If I was going to drop over dead, I wasn't going to have Mother in the car when I did.

Mother & I had talked about dying on the way down. I said that I had read a quote

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

— Woody Allen

Mother said her dad, Grandpa Porter, always said he wasn't afraid to die, he just didn't want to have to go through what it took to die. Grandma Porter died of pancreatic cancer & suffered a lot. Most of our family have died lingering deaths.

Don met us at Sam's. Mother was crying. Nick had a "scathingly brilliant idea." Luckily he was thinking clearer than I was. He suggested his dad take Nana home. I could leave my car at ComputerWise in North Logan & ride home with him. Don agreed. Nick decided it would be easier for Nana to get into Don's car. Mother didn't want to shop anymore.

I called Roxanne (Froeher, Nurse Practioners of Preston) on the way home. She's so level headed. I love this lady. When she said my potassium level was 2.7. I laughed in relief. I told her that my potassium level had been a lot lower than that & I was still alive. She told me people could die at 2. I told her mine had been below 1 before. I'd had an infusion, but lived to tell about it.

When we got home, I took 40 meqs of potassium. Since we don't have a couch in the front room, I laid out on the swing on the porch. Nick pampered me. He got me a pillow, took my hearing aid & glasses. Don went to the store & bought bananas for me. I'm feeling much better. But I'd better not push it & go to bed early. I've been SOOO tired & feel like I'm going to pass out every time I stand up.

Other findings from my visit to the doctor today. My gall bladder is not going to get any better. I was told to check my calendar & find a week that I could take off & have it out. Don't wait until I'm full of infection. Dr. Broadbent checked the depression behind my left ear where the bone was taken out & stomach fat put in when I had the tumor removed. He told me to check with my ear, nose & throat doctor. It is noticeably sunken.

Mother's INR level was perfect for the 3rd time in a row, which is 6 weeks!!! It was 3.0!! How cool is that?

Lent, Day 7

OK, I've been at this Lent thing for 8 days, counting Sunday. Still haven't been successful at either one of my goals, but I keep trying.

Report on "doctor day" in the city. I woke up at 9:35 & finally drug myself out of bed at 10, only because I wanted to tell Don-Mike something before he left. I was in bed by 12:15 last night, but couldn't seem to get to sleep. I was still awake at 1.

My appt. for the mammogram was at 1:30, but I had remembered 1 & had set my cell phone calendar for 1. We left a little after 11, & so we had plenty of time to eat. We ate at Golden Corral. I didn't have any trouble with "restaurant syndrome" aka IBS like I usually do. I was careful what I ate though. The spinach & Brussels sprouts looked so good, but that's all I did was look. I took the hydrocodone while we were eating. I wanted to be sure & have it in my system for the mammogram.

At the lab they took 3 vials of blood. I barely felt the prick & there isn't a bruise to show either.

Next on to the Radiology Dept. for the mammogram. I am certainly grateful for the pain meds. I was feeling no pain, actually I did, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it would have been without the pain medication. I am so grateful that Don took the time off from work today to drive us. My boobs are sore tonight. I'm thinking of taking another pain pill, but think I'll settle for ibuprofen.

There are no films of the right breast for either February or October 2007. I said I didn't think they took any of the right side in October because there was another lump in the left breast & they wanted to see what it was. She checked & the records showed they hadn't done the right breast in October. I said all of my surgeries had been done right there at Cache Valley Specialty Hospital, except the one where they implanted 22 needles in my left breast at Ogden Regional. I still have some of those scars. The films should either be at Dr. (Lee) Broadbent's office or at the hospital. I didn't remember taking any films to Ogden.

All I had to do was change gowns from the little cape-like thing to the full hospital gown for the chest x-rays right there in the Radiology Dept. Two x-rays, full & side views. So, now we wait for the results.

Mother & Don sat out in the waiting room while I had all this done. It only took an hour & 10 minutes. Since we were already at the Specialty Hospital, I checked with Dr. (Jeffrey) Bennion's office, the ear, nose & throat specialist that comes to Preston, to see if I could get a copy of Nick's sleep study from Idaho Falls, but since Nick is 21, I can't without a signed consent form from him.

On to the Regional Medical Arts Building at Logan Regional Hospital for Mother's protime. The INR level is 2.3, too thick again. How it can fluctuate from high to low in just a matter of days still amazes me. She did not feel good this morning & tonight when I went over to check on her, she came from the bathroom crying.

She thinks she broke her toe getting out of the bathtub Monday. She slipped. She has a bath mat, I don't know if it was in the tub or not. We saw a shower stool at Cache Valley Oxygen today when we stopped there to check on black crocs. She said the home health aide said she'd be sure they brought a shower bench tomorrow. I should have just bought it, but I didn't have enough money to do it.

I didn't take her to Instacare because they can't really do much besides x-ray it to see if she really did break it & then tape the toes together. She already has pain medication for the pain in her back & hips.

It is 11:40 & I'm not going to update Mother's Caring Bridge site tonight. I've done most of the reporting right here. I can just copy & paste tomorrow.

I slept almost all the way home from the doctor's & I'm still tired.