At Brat Factor I signed up for Pam Young's 365 Surprise. Every day she sends a short email. I got behind on them because I wasn't checking that email account every day until I added Freecycle to that account. I knew the emails from Freecycle would get lost in the clutter on raynib9@yahoo.com. So, now I check that account everyday. I'm down to 50 unread surprises. Seldom do I throw one of those surprises away. I've subscribed now for almost 3 years & she seems to send out the same ones every year. Every so often I'll search to make sure I haven't saved duplicate messages.
So, why am I blogging about this? The first email I opened today was Oct. 7 & she asked what kind of thoughts you have when you fill up at the gas station. She said she caught herself thinking, "What if ..." thoughts of fear one day as she was filling up her gas tank; thoughts about inflation & how that would inevitably lead to a file in her brain filled with past thoughts of financial struggles.
Today, as I filled up the tank & watched the numbers whirl, I was grateful that we weren't paying $4.12 a gallon as we were in July. A man at the pump across the island from me was telling me that now crude oil production is being cut back so that the price of gas will go up again. I've always been afraid of filling up a car. These thoughts & fears go back over 30 years to my days of living in Salt Lake City & the fear I had of stopping at a strange gas station & having to go in & pay for the gas. I would run out of gas rather than stop & buy gas. I had a hard time going from Cache Valley to the big impersonal world of a city. It was a constant struggle. I've always been full of static electricity & would get shocked when I touched a gas pump. I was always afraid the gas pump would blow up because I touched it.
It's only been the last few years that I haven't been afraid to fill up the gas tank. My family gets the credit for helping me with that fear. I still drive until the empty light comes on. One reason being that I don't bother to check my gas gauge. I forget.
Pam quoted Caroline Myss in the Oct. 7 email:
"What drains your spirit drains your body.She said she made out a 3"x5" card with an uplifting message that she will take out when she fuels her car to read to keep those "What if ..." thoughts at bay.
What fuels your spirit fuels your body."
Tonight I picked up a box that came from somewhere. Things at my house just seem to suddenly appear, bubble up out of the black hole. Kind of reminds me of the musical, "Brigadoon." I took the box in the bedroom, sat down on the bed & started going through the box. I found a sack of scrapbook supplies from an October scrapbooking seminar a few years ago. I found a planner that I had started to make with laminated pictures & favorite quotes with a few entries from 2001. It wasn't finished & I hadn't finished using it. The only thing I can surmise is that it went missing & now, seven years later, it has bubbled to the surface again. I didn't want to throw it away, but wondered what I could do with the thoughts & pictures. I thought about dismantling the planner & making myself a small booklet of those pictures & thoughts to look at while I was filling up the car.
If I put the box back where I found it, it will probably go missing again with only one or two things thrown away & one thing rescued. Then I wonder why there are so many boxes & messes, sigh.
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