Is there a name of the syndrome where you are needed in two places at once? If there is, I'm unaware of it. I have heard of the sandwich generation & that's probably what I'm feeling. I'm not part of the traditional sandwich though, my children are adult children, so I guess I'm technically part of the "club" sandwich. The club sandwich includes grandchildren, which isn't part of this particular sandwich.
I moved over here to Mother's so I could help her. The doctor said she has to have someone with her 24/7. She doesn't need skilled nursing at all times, but she needs someone to be with her. Don-Mike set up a twin bed in Mother's room, so Mother & I are roommies.
I told her when I came over, she can't call to me at night. When I lay down & take my hearing aid out ... Aid. Singular. I am deaf. Not only that, I lay on my good ear, because I can't lay on the other side. As someone said, trying to be funny, "You're deaf in one ear & can't hear out of the other." Exactly. Totally deaf in the left ear with no way to conduct sound if I had a hearing aid stuck in that ear. Without the hearing aid in the right ear I can't hear. Mother sleeps with a little flashlight. I suggested shining the flashlight on me. She flashes it around. I slept through it. I told her to take her cane & poke me. No, she doesn't do that. One night Don-Mike had been up with her twice & he was exhausted to begin the night anyway. He said he couldn't do this anymore. She would call out to me & Don-Mike would hear her.
She has become adept at playing a martyr.OMG, I'm here to help. But she doesn't ask for help, she just starts doing. I guess she's decided I can't hear, so she'll just have to do it herself. Right now I'm feeling pretty worthless.
Don & Nick bring their "discussions" over here. And those discussions can get pretty ugly. I'm not sure if it's for me to moderate or become part of.
1 comment:
Good luck, RaNae. Man, you've got a lot on your plate right now. Hang in there!!! I'll tell you to be grateful you still have your mom. Mine has been gone for over 40 years. I still miss her! I see my friends struggling to take care of their aging parents and think "well, I don't have to worry about that" but I really wish that I had had them in my life for all of these years. My kids have really missed out not having their grandparents ever in their lives. Prayers for you, dear. Sounds like you need them.
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