Got so ... depressed

Snippets of song lyrics just kind of randomly pop into my head. Tonight I was visiting with Mother & she is so confused, depressed & just plain negative. So, as I left her house tonight the America song, "Sister Golden Hair," just blared into my mind ...

Well I tried to make it Sunday
but I got so damned depressed

It's Sunday, but my depression isn't caused by a man & trying to decide on marriage! Is this a direct contradiction to my last post, "Just another day in paradise?" No, not really. Is my depression situational or clinical? Is it caused by my son, my mother & I guess life in general? Or is it clinical depression or soft bipolar or whatever I have? I just want to sit here & bawl.

Sunday means nothing to my sons. Don-Mike goes out to the bone (car junk) yard & gets parts for his car. He comes in all psyched because he's made definite progress on his project, Nick's Christmas Jeep, that he didn't want & sold to Don-Mike.

The "boys" are now off to see the movie "Wolverine." I won't go to a movie on Sunday, even if it is "The Sound of Music," which I dearly love, or "Night at the Museum II," which I want to see. There's nothing wrong with shopping or going to movies or whatever on Sunday as long as I don't have to do it. To me, the Sabbath is the seventh day the Lord talks about in Exodus. It is one of the Ten Commandments. He devotes 4 verses to this commandment, explaining it. It has been a big internal fight to even go out to eat on Sunday or buy gas. Yes, it can always be explained away by Luke 1:5

“And answered them saying, Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day?"

But how is a movie a life or death situation?

A short update on church callings. Don & I have been in the library almost 2 years now. I have the calling, along with another lady that is a nurse & works every other Sunday. Sometimes she comes in, sometimes she doesn't, so Don has just taken it upon himself to be my helper in the library. He's never received that calling. He has a calling to be the ward web page specialist, but has never done anything with it. Something I'd love to do. He needs the password & hasn't ever got it. He also teaches the 4th Sunday Priesthood lesson in Elders Quorum.

The lady preparing the Sunday program every Sunday has been trying to get out of that calling for the last couple of years, finally about 3 months ago, she just quit. The bishop's wife, who is also the Relief Society secretary, & has two small children, took the job.

About a month ago, Debbie was complaining that she didn't like getting the program on Saturday afternoon, she liked it earlier in the week like she'd been getting. I told one of the counselors in the bishopric that Debbie would like to do the program herself. He turned to her & asked her. She said she wouldn't mind. So, he went right down & talked to the bishop, within 30 minutes he was back & said the bishop wanted to talk to her. I said, as she left, "There's your new calling." She came back & yes, it was. She had accepted it. She's been doing it for 3 weeks.

Today, the bishop said they were going to release her, they didn't want to double people up on their callings. I asked him to do me a favor & call Don to work in the library. He was surprised & asked Don if he had never been called to work in the library. Don said no. So, he said he would.

Lent, Day 37

Just a few more days of the Lenten season & then I'll have to come up with new titles for my subject line. I have had trouble trying to figure out what day of Lent it is. I hope I've numbered them all correctly.

Don made it to bed before I did last night. I had to fill the humidifier of my CPAP machine & then put it in after the lights were out - grrrr. So, it must have been about midnight again.

I spent the morning trying to figure out why the bank wouldn't let Luana cash Mother's rent check on Monday. I still don't know the answer to that, but she got it cashed. Then I checked on the vet charge account to see if there would be enough available credit to pay for both cats & saw only $23 available. So, I spent the morning, what was left of it after I got up at 10:30, working on finances. I was supposed to be to work at noon & didn't make it. I was going to have a piece of toast & take my meds before I took the cats to the vet.

But Nick has been obsessing about Daddy's little red jeep. How he wants to get rid of it & nobody will let him. I told him I did not want to get into an argument about the jeep. I didn't have time.

Nick & Don-Mike did put Brackin & Prissy in the carriers & carried them out to the car for me. By then, I was running late, still had to go up to the Citizen & tell them I'd be later than I was, but I'd still come in.

Prissy's eye has been gray, like Boots' was when I took him to the vet. Dr. Larry, the older, retired vet, was working today, I didn't ask where Dr. Cliff was. I like Dr. Larry better. He looked closely at Prissy's eye. He wanted to see if there was a "foreign body" in it. He found a ripped 3rd eye lid. He said, "Huh, I thought so." Somebody had swatted at Prissy & scratched her in the eye. We all know who did that. Miss Marsha Lu thinks she is God's gift to the Bartlomé family. She's always swiping at the other cats, especially Prissy. And poor little Prissy has been the pariah since the boys (Boots & Astro) died. Astro was the pariah before. Prissy has never fit in, but she & Boots seemed to have a rapport.

I think I know now how Boots died. Nick told me that Sam had run Boots off. We found him out under the lilac tree, so weak, he couldn't stand up. So, I'll bet his gray eye was the result of a swipe from Sam & it got infected.

Anyway, while I was explaining to Becca, the receptionist at the vet's office, that I didn't know how I was going to pay for this because I couldn't find Mother's credit card, I had a sudden, extreme gut ache. OMG, it felt like someone had taken my gut & was twisting it. It hurt SOOOOOOO bad. Becca & Marie, the vet's assistant, gave me a lollipop, they got some Ensure for diabetics, but I could only drink 3 swallows of the Ensure, then I tried throwing up, sticking my finger down my throat & gagging myself, in the bathroom, of course.

I had not had anything to eat before I left, the appt. was at 2 & I was about 5 minutes late. So, we wondered if it was low blood sugar. I hadn't had any of my pills either. I handed Becca my cell phone & she called Don-Mike, but I didn't know I had Big J's programmed as his default number. I always just use the speed dial. So, we tried his speed dial, it went to his voice mail, so she left a message. Then she called Nick. Luckily Don-Mike was at Big J's in Richmond & came back & got me. He called Nick to tell him not to come, but he was already in Franklin. Nick opted to keep coming. Don-Mike stopped at Big J's & picked up his food & while he was in getting it, I swiped 3 big swallows of his drink, still thinking it might be low blood sugar.

I curled up in the fetal position, trying to get some relief from the pain. He asked me what side of the road Instacare was on & I finally sat up. He was on 1400 North, headed for the hospital. I told him I wanted Instacare, but we could go to the hospital, if he wanted. He said ERs are so stinking expensive. I said Instacare was on 4th North & 2nd East. He took 4th East & wended his way to Instacare. OMG, those roads are bumpy. I'm so glad he had his new truck. I could stretch out in the back seat, not that I did.

Nick pulled in right behind us. I think he went directly to Instacare though. I am so glad Nick was there. He stayed right by my side. Don-Mike went right back out to the truck to eat his lunch. Nick helped me at the registration desk, stood by me through the triage room, helped me to the examining room & sat there with me. He left when I told him to go out to the truck & get the cell phone to call Jessi, my supervisor. Don-Mike came in then with Nick. Don-Mike had called Don, so he came up after work. The boys left when Don came & stopped in Richmond to pick up the cats.

The doctor examined me. By that time the pain had let up & I was able to straighten out. I told Nick by the time the doctor came, I was going to be better. Still tender & still having some pain. My urine sample was good, my blood work was good, slightly anemic, no surprise, but my potassium level was up, woo hoo!! My sugar level was 125, slightly elevated, but good considering I hadn't had anything to eat. They took an x-ray & found that there was a lot of stool backed up. I KNOW that wasn't a blocked bowel. The doctor suspects a gall bladder attack. They had to send that blood work to Logan Regional's lab, oh groan, more medical bills.

Anyway, the doctor told me to drink lots of water & they would call in the morning with the results of the blood work they sent to LRH.

Don stopped at the vet's for me to pick up the car. It was 10 to 6 & I told him I was going to go in & tell them I was ok. Whoever went in to pick up the cats told Becca & Marie it was gall stones. I told Nick to tell them the doctor thought it was gall bladder.