Gratitude 2011

It was fun to look back at 2010 to see what I was thankful for last year. I started a separate page this year, Attitude of Gratitude, 2011, so I can just keep a running list. My first entry last year was Don. Interestingly enough my first entry this year was also Don. I am indeed thankful for my husband.

Wednesday, Nov. 2, I put Kindra (Palmer), the home health aide. Mother doesn't qualify for home health paid for by Medicare. It's private pay & Mother thinks she can only afford a shower once a week, so Kindra comes in once a week to give Mother a shower. I tried giving her a shower & it just doesn't work. I do not know the drill. So, I am truly grateful for Kindra.

Thursday, Nov. 3: It is hard to decide what specifically to be thankful for. I am thankful for everything.

Today, Friday, Nov. 4, I put hair. It might sound funny, but I am thankful for my hair. I am thankful I HAVE hair. My hair came out when I had chemo in 2007 & it is just starting to come back in good. I had my hair cut & a shampoo/set yesterday. It looks cute. I paid for it though with a bad headache. There is no bone where the craniectomy was done to remove the tumor in 2001. And even though Marcella was very careful in washing my hair, I got a headache. Mother's sister Onda, her husband Keith, & Mother's brother Larry came to visit Mother today from Blackfoot & Pocatello (Idaho). Mother's hair is still dark & thick. She has her hair done every week on Thursday & it stays in almost all week. Of course, people can't believe Mother doesn't dye her hair, so her hair is always a topic of conversation. Mother is the oldest sister & the other four have thin, white hair. My hair is thin & fine, but not white yet.

More changes

The bishopric in the Whitney 2nd Ward was released & a new bishopric sustained. Released was Bishop Brandon Stephenson; 1st counselor, Tim Golightly; 2nd counselor, Daren Cole; executive secretary, Donnie Sanderson; ward clerk, Bill Ponciano; financial clerks, Brett Bloom & Matt Gleed; & membership clerk, Burke Burns.

New bishopric: Bishop, Jim Summers; 1st, Jon Reese; 2nd, Darren Kelley; Executive secretary, Bill Ponciano; Clerks, Stanley Butler, Brett Bloom & Burke Burns. Everyone is commenting on how different Bishop Summers will look clean shaven. It will be a change. Since he was released as a counselor in a bishopric several years ago, he has worn a neatly trimmed beard.

The carpet was installed today. It looks better than I expected it to look. They expected it to take 2 days, but one man installed it today. They picked up the baseboards today.

I'm still not sure we'll keep the house, but we're working on the assumption we will. I certainly look forward to moving home. If I would just remember to get Mother's money so we can start working on the house itself.

Changes

I am so glad to be back on the lexapro. The angst isn't nearly as bad

angst defined by TheFreeDictionary
A feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression.

& tears & suicide ideation.

Last week the ward boundaries in the Preston 1st, 5th, 8th, Whitney 2nd, Franklin 2nd and 3rd wards in the Franklin Stake were changed. Six out of the 11 wards in the stake. Whitney 2nd Ward went from being the smallest ward in the stake to one of the two largest. They took one small block, but 50 of our members, & gave them to Preston 1st Ward. Then took 100 members, a subdivision, from the Preston 1st Ward & put them in Whitney 2nd. Preston 1st Ward's bishop & Relief Society president were among those people. Now this week Preston 1st & Whitney 2nd wards get new bishops. Our bishop had already moved from the ward.

I hope we soon get the house straightened out. Once we get it finished, Mother & I can move home. So tomorrow we see who our new bishop is.

Escape

 

I'm with Maxine. I'd sure like to escape. Today was a roller coaster ride. I've got whiplash from the hills & valleys. 

Tomorrow I'm going to have to go back on the medication or else run out into State Street. With my luck, I wouldn't be road kill. Just scraped up.

I'm tired of trying.

Lessons learned

Yesterday, Tuesday, Aug. 16, didn't have a very auspicious start, but then most mornings don't have a very auspicious start, do they? They don't at our house. Merriam-webster.com defines auspicious as:

showing or suggesting that future success is likely

At 3:41 a.m., to be precise, I gave Mother an inhaler treatment with her combivent - 2 quick puffs & off to sleep. I'd just barely got to bed 2 hours before. Mother was up the first time about 1 a.m. Don-Mike had beat me to bed, which is highly unusual. He's usually up later than I am. He was tired though. He told me on the way to bed that he turned off the door & shut the light. He was asleep by the time I got the computer & the rest of the lights turned off.

At 7 a.m. Mother was gasping for breath. I gave her a Xopenex treatment, but didn't finish it because she was tired. By the time Laurie came at 8:30, Mother was having a hard time breathing, she was gasping actually, & reached for her inhaler. I told her I didn't want to give it to her so soon after the Xopenex treatment. In hindsight, I should have just given it to her. She was having a panic attack. She told Laurie she didn't feel like having a shower. Laurie called the home health nurse, Sherri Ransom, & the ER to tell them we were coming in.

Sherri came to the house & Laurie & Sherri helped her out of the house. I didn't feel like Don-Mike & I did much, except kind of flutter around. Laurie had to tell me to get dressed though. I was so fixated on Mother, I forgot I wasn't dressed. It's a good thing I did get dressed, we were over there from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. A man had been bit by a rattlesnake & we kind of got pre-empted.

When we arrived in the ER, her oxygen saturation was 82. Almost as soon as they put her on their oxygen, her O2 levels shot to 92. After they gave her the breathing treatment using something besides Xopenex, her oxygen sats shot to 99. Dr. Jacob Curtis was the doctor on call. He ordered a chest x-ray just to be sure there was no fluid on her lungs. They didn't change any of her medications, but did change the regulator on her portable oxygen tank. She doesn't breathe deep enough to trigger the regulator & so she's not getting any oxygen.

And at home? We don't know. Someone from Cache Valley Oxygen is supposed to come by & check the concentrator. As soon as I leave, they will come by. I know it. I can sit here & wait all day, ALL. DAY. & no one will come by. As soon as I leave to run my errands, they'll be by.

So, what did we find? Little old ladies (LOLs) don't breathe very deep. I'm grateful I have my mother to help me learn these lessons. I guess I didn't do a very good job learning them as a mother of young children, now I get to have a second chance as a caregiver of an elderly parent.

One lesson is to get yourself dressed first. If you are going to run your mother to the emergency room, get some clothes on yourself first. Your mother doesn't have to get dressed, she can show up in her pajamas.

If I had learned this lesson as a mother of a young children, I wouldn't have to keep trying to learn it. One morning I was on my way to the day care with 2 small children. I had fed them, don't remember if I had dressed them, but little boys don't necessarily have to be dressed when they show up at day care. They can still be in their pajamas. We were on our way out the door. There was snow on the ground & I looked down & I was in my robe & slippers. Uhh! It would have been nice if I'd have had a home health aide ask me if I was going to get dressed before I made it clear out to the car.

So, the first thing a caregiver is supposed to do in the morning is get dressed - to your shoes. And not just any shoes, but appropriate shoes.

Two places at once

Is there a name of the syndrome where you are needed in two places at once? If there is, I'm unaware of it. I have heard of the sandwich generation & that's probably what I'm feeling. I'm not part of the traditional sandwich though, my children are adult children, so I guess I'm technically part of the "club" sandwich. The club sandwich includes grandchildren, which isn't part of this particular sandwich.

I moved over here to Mother's so I could help her. The doctor said she has to have someone with her 24/7. She doesn't need skilled nursing at all times, but she needs someone to be with her. Don-Mike set up a twin bed in Mother's room, so Mother & I are roommies.

I told her when I came over, she can't call to me at night. When I lay down & take my hearing aid out ... Aid. Singular. I am deaf. Not only that, I lay on my good ear, because I can't lay on the other side. As someone said, trying to be funny, "You're deaf in one ear & can't hear out of the other." Exactly. Totally deaf in the left ear with no way to conduct sound if I had a hearing aid stuck in that ear. Without the hearing aid in the right ear I can't hear. Mother sleeps with a little flashlight. I suggested shining the flashlight on me. She flashes it around. I slept through it. I told her to take her cane & poke me. No, she doesn't do that. One night Don-Mike had been up with her twice & he was exhausted to begin the night anyway. He said he couldn't do this anymore. She would call out to me & Don-Mike would hear her.

She has become adept at playing a martyr.OMG, I'm here to help. But she doesn't ask for help, she just starts doing. I guess she's decided I can't hear, so she'll just have to do it herself. Right now I'm feeling pretty worthless.


Don & Nick bring their "discussions" over here. And those discussions can get pretty ugly. I'm not sure if it's for me to moderate or become part of.

Mother's home

We got her home yesterday. It sure has been hot, but she's glad to be home. We'll see if home health will pick her up or insist she go back to the nursing home.